5 blogs in one

LOOK at this beautiful little almost five year old to the left. I so love this girl. It has been absolutely forever since I have blogged. I have not read anyones blog lately, so I highly doubt anyone has ad the time to read mine. But for my two loyal readers here it is. We have been busy here lately. But come to think about it, it is really not normal from the circle as to what we now know as "normal"..........so to catch up......

1) We pulled out of the adoption. This is an official done deal. I cannot believe what I learned from this experience. Truth be told, there were absolutely too many strings to this adoption. First and formost, it would have been "open". To be completely harsh.......I will say, I don't want to be intertwined with white trash the rest of my life, and in my opinion, that is what these people were. I started to feel like they wanted to come in and be Mom as they wanted, but wanted me to foot the bill. No, sorry, not going to happen. I also realized......I have no desire to adopt whatsoever. I always felt like I was inclined to adopt......it was my responsibility. I have 2 cousins and a grandmother that was adopted as well as myself. Hmm.....I have to say, that really did nothing positive for any of us. It has given us abandonment issues. We are all thankful for our families, and to them they are our birth families. For me, it is like I have these people who pop in and out of my life here and there....making it harder. They are not my "family" but they are my blood line. Atleast if I birth another child they are stuck with me. They cannot throw the jabs I threw at my parents like " I want to find my realy Mom". I know, it was mean, but I did that as a child.

2) I withdrew my resignation. YUP. I had a total nervous breakdown in November and put in my notice, the same week as we pulled out of the adoption might I add. I have had such a hard time balancing everything, and I just exploded. I started erasing stress factors. The first thing to go was the adoption, the second was the job. Only trick to that was and is........I need the job, obviously, financially and the health insurance isn't bad either. I like the job, I just needed to balance it with my life. So far, I think I am doing better. We will see, my case load is a litle low right now, and that always makes me a little more optimistic. I am thankful and grateful that they took me back. I kinda thought that they wouldn't do it. But I have to say....it did feel really good to give that resignation. lol.

3) John and I just had our five year wedding anniversary 12/10. Which mean 7 years together, and we just celebrated our 8th New Years Eve together. It is so interesting to me the ups and downs of marriage. The highs and lows. He frustrates me so bad sometimes, as I do him. He hit the nail on the head perfectly last night when we were talking....I just kept saying "why after some point do people stay married" and "how do you even still love me"........I wasn't trying to pick a fight, just asking some legitimate questions that have been on my mind. He said "you are just not used to being with someone this long, and you are kinda freaking out". He was right! I think before him my longest relationship was about 2 years. That was it. And now I have been married 5 years. And the thing is that I am happy. I am content. And so is John. And at the end of the day......that is still new to me.

4) I recently discovered Mother Teresa....lol. I was at Hallmark and I found a beautiful quote of hers on a picture frame....People are often unreasonable, irrational and self-centered, forgive them anyway. If you are kind people may accuse you of unselfish ulterior motives, be kind anyway. If you are succesful you will win some unfaithul friends and genuine enemies, be successful anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may decive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. If you find serenity and happiness others may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may often be forgotten. Do good anyway. Give the best you have and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway. In the final analysis it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway. I really love this quote alot. It not only gives a great quote, it offers a solution. It led me to a few more Mother Teresa quotes that I also love....Each one of them is Jesus in disguise.......Everytime you smile at someone it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing....These are so inspiring and I love them. I have always been a huge Eleanor Roosevelt fan, but something about these quotes are wonderful!

5) What else........cleaned out the garage, planning Sofia's bday party, got some new Uggs and Gap Jeans, Johns parents are in town for three weeks, it took all I had to stay up until midnight NYE, John bought a Wii because I just wanted to bowl, Mia loves her new collar from Aunt Jennesa and Steph had beautiful twins yesterday. Sofia has her first indoor soccer game tomorrow. Maybe we will take our Xmas lights down tomorrow. It might be nice to have them down by Valentines Day.

~XOXO