Where My Mind Goes

Today I got to thinking....If I were to die tomorrow what would I want Sofia to know, to grow up knowing.....to know about her Mother....and so goes this letter...

My Dearest Sofia:

You could probably summarize my life by reading a book of Eleanor Roosevelt quotes. I feel that people who have more have a social responsibility to give to those who have less. Whether you donate your time, money or higher education this is your responsibility. Becareful not to cross very many boundaries here. This can be tricky.

I have a psychology degree. I remember being in junior high and having a slumber party and sitting in my garage talking to a distressed friend on the phone instead of spending time with my friends. Back then my friends said I should be a therapist because I was so passionate about helping people. And I guess they were right. Although I know all people have their own issues, I have spent my whole life trying to figure out people and how to make them feel good. How to help them.

You could say I got this from how I was raised. My Mom and Dad and their parents always loved me so outwardly. They were not always perfect, and I don't claim that Daddy and I are, but they always loved me. I was adopted and knew all of my life, so I knew very early on that people do show acts of love.

I want you to be more confident than I am. I am happy, but I have always suffered with low self esteem. It has gotten alot better the more comfortable I have gotten in my skin, but until my 30's I had low self esteem. I am not sure why. But I always felt like I was lagging in some area.

I love to be inspired. I love uplifting quotes, empowering women and the feeling of accomplishment. I am stubborn, passionate, hard headed...all that encompasses a taurus. Daddy balances me out very well.

I want you to have mad style. Be classic but trendy all at once. I love the Gap, I love my Uggs and 7 jeans. Mimi always hated that I was so into fashion.....brand names...labels, but I still love it today. It's who I am.

I was diagnosed with Lupus at age 23, and it sounds alot more scarry than it is. It can be scarry, but I have been lucky thus far. Two major flares, one that lasted over a year....that was a bad one. It is hard not to get down about Lupus because you hear so many stories....My blood work always makes me look weaker than most...But at the end of the day for the lucky ones, it can be controlled with medicine. I know you have seen Mommy take lots of medicine, and I know right now, you think nothing of it. But there will be a day you realize this is not the norm.

I am goofy, silly, funny and laugh at the crassest of things. Things that are so incredibly socially inappropriate is what I think is the most funny. Farting, burping.....usually when I do it, I tend to find other peoples gross....wrapping my head in toilet paper and waiting for people to notice, simple pranks...and if I do something that I think is funny, I will continue to laugh about it for hours. Don't be afraid to stand out from the crowd, infact, make a name for yourself. Make people remember you.

I try to be a good friend. My friends have always been very important to me. Aunt Jennesa and I met when I was just 3 years older than you are now. I hope you find your own Aunt Jennesa. She is the wind beneath my wings. So much more thgan a friend. I have a few close nit tight friends that I grasp on to for dear life. They have walked me thru so much. Especially before I met Daddy!

Daddy and I met when I was 26. He is about 5 years older than me. When I first met him (thru Uncle Brett and Aunt Heidi) we barely even spoke or knew eachother for few years. But after a few years, I laid eyes on him, and it was a whole other story. We dated for 2 years, then got married and here you are.

I always felt the need to do move away after college, to feel like I was making progress. One of those self markers that I set for myself. After college I moved to NYC for 6 months. It was fabulous, but fast paced and I got homesick really quick. But I did it. I took all of my stuff, put it in storage, found a roommate, got an airline ticket, and moved to NYC. I want you to do something bold in your life too. They are life changers. Experiences that make you strong and unique. They make you you.

A college degree was first and formost for me. And for you. It is Daddy's and my responsibility to financially afford your college degree and it is your responsibility to receive it. Education is very important to me. It is empowering. You need to continue to empower yourself. Don't depend on anyone to take care of you. If you eventually find marriage and find someone who can take care of you, that is great, but always be able to provide for yourself.

Be true to yourself. Make good decisions. Remember who you are and who you want to be. Don't put your dreams aside. Make your dreams your goals, and achieve them one by one.

Keep listening to the Beatles. They are classic, and their lyrics rock.

I remember myself at your age, I remember my Mom and Dad, so I know that you will always remember me.

I love you,
Mommy