The Snookie and JWOWW Show is D.U.M.B.

I am looking back over this blog. I forget about it sometimes, pour my heart into it sometimes, put random thoughts and quotes here, remember something i should blog from time to time, reread posts I wrote from time to time and think...Wow, I said too much. I can see how I have grown, matured, been sick, been well, been happy and sad, wanting and content. It is like my online diary for the past 4 years. The only difference is that it is so much more than a diary. You are reading it. Last time I checked I wouldn't just reach between my mattresses and pull my keys out of my diary and hand them to you. I am always writing....knowing somewhere in my mind, that there is a chance that you will read this.

A lot has happened in the past year. Like a whirlwind of events that I hope has only helped to make me a stronger and less mentally dependent person. I have been in Therapy since March of 2011 and I have seen a huge change in myself. I have a take no bullshit approach, but at the same time don't give any. Don't put shit all over facebook for people to read. Don't denounce someone on your blog or Facebook as a form of bullying for all the world to read. Set boundaries. Stick with your boundaries. Get rid of all the dirty trash. Reorganize, declutter...my mind and my life. Take a deep breath in, deep breat out, look around at my home, husband and baby girl and just be happy. Some days that is harder than it seems but somedays it is just that easy.

I recently quit my ECI job, and you have no idea how liberating that feels to be able to say ECI on the inter web and not be written up for it. We were never allowed to say where we worked on the makings of the inter web, for all the directors and managers posting on Facebook might get attention called to them. But Anyway. I quit. Back in July, and WOW have I noticed an improvement in myself and in my family. I have really noticed an improvement with my husband. Yes, he wants me to work, so he thinks, because of the financial income it brings. However, he is so not used to his new reality. Home cooked meals, bills paid, Sofia being shuffled here and there without his assistance. clean home, dry-cleaning----check, etc. He is beaming every time he comes home. I love it for him. I do feel that my role in our home is to keep everyone happy. Lets face it. If Mama ain't happy, neither is anyone else. And this Mama WAS NOT happy.

Over worked, over stressed, too many kids, too much paperwork, no recognition, I am not a machine or a robot. Shuffling Sofia back and forth, bills, bank, grocery store, you get my drift. I think it takes a very organized person to be able to do it "all". Either they are doing it all or they are good fakers because they look like they are. But Me, I can't do it all, and make it look good. I boil up to the very top with stress, and then I slowly tip over burning everyone in my path.

We are no longer trying to have a second child. My heart has changed. I know that I can give my child everything that she wants and needs, God willing. I don't want to start over at age 36. I don't want to adopt. I don't want to wake up at night. I think I just woke up one day and said, okay, failed iui, failed ivf, do I want to do this again....no. And I am happy with this decision, I am at peace with this decision, and Lord please don't let me get pregnant now that I have made this decision. :)

It is crazy to look around on peoples blogs and see how well blogging and life has gone along without me. Humbling almost. Everyone continues to blog, live life, etc. with not even as much as a glimpse of me in their head. Weird.

And what else do I need to spill out to the blogosphere? There are big changes on the horizon for The Richardson's. Sofia changed schools, I quit my job, (redundant) I am starting TCU in the Fall...Go Frogs, We are moving...goodness. One. Day. At. A. Time. And one big Thank You to God for putting me on this Earth, putting all these opportunities in front of me to seize them, and giving me the strength to keep going. I sound like the serenity poem.