A Mothers L♥ve

A Mothers love is like no other. I only hope that Sofia feels the love and concern that I have for her in every part of my body. I hope she sees her Mom as someone who will always love her, protect her and save her. I noticed today when I reached down to take her small little hand that I am always holding her hand. She reaches up for my hand, or I reach down for hers anytime we are walking in public. Be it in a store or a parking lot for that matter, thru the parking lot at Church, to our front door, anywhere, I am holding her hand. Protecting her, keeping her safe. Loving her. I never think about my Biological Mother. I have blocked that out. When I met her long ago, I realized how alike we are. Our mannerisms, our behavior, facial expressions, all of it. It made me sad for a minute, then I quickly got mad. I was like...you gave this up. You gave me up, and now I will never have a Mom that I will have that connection with. I love my Mom, but she is not "me" my mannerisms, my voice, my smile, my eyes. She is not me. My biological Mother is. I was siting there with Sofia today working on a craft, and I imagined for a minute me sitting there with my biological mother working on a craft. I kept thinking that the way I was talking to her while making the craft, the way I was directing and redirecting her, and the way I would smile at her and tell her good job was probably the exact way that my biological Mother would have done that with me. It made me sad for a minute, and like I said, I never think about her. I simply can't. It is too much for my mind to process and I just have to accept what is. I cannot have her in my life. It is not feasable. My Mom needs me too much, and my responsibility lies with her. Not only that, my biological Mom made her decision. I don't care how young she was, she let me go, and then went on to have 4 other children and kept them. She has passed judgement about me, and gotten on to me that I don't want her in my life. How dare her judge me for any decision I have made as a result of her actions. She chose this life for me. What would she do if it was her in my situation? Would she be angry? It is a question I wish she would ask herself. She told me once that once I had a child I would understand why she has made the decisions she has made in regards to me. But the truth is, I have a daughter, and I still don't understand. All I want to do is hold Sofia's hand. Guide her, lead her, hold her. I never want to let her go.