Day One

Starting to feel the tension. Already? Yes, already. I can't believe how much anxiety I have about having anxiety regarding working full time. Today when I got home I started vacuuming the floor and mopped the kitchen along with made dinner. My car light came on in my car meaning I need my oil changed and I have Thank you cards to mail. I need to make a doctors appointment and during training today I was checking into pre k for Sofia. TIme management is going to be tricky. The thing is, ALL OF MY HOUSEWORK NEEDS TO BE DONE as well as my daily doings and the anxiety of knowing I have to do it AND a full time job scares me. I just put too much on my plate anyway, I am busy, but busy doing things I want and like to do. Let me repeat that....busy doing things I want and need to do. I have gotten so acuatomed to being at home with Sofia, making a list doing it by noon and still meeting a friend for lunch and a play date. I am on overdrive and almost denial that I am working. I sound like such a whimp. It is not like I am the first person to hold a job and raise a family, people do it everyday. It is just the time management I have an issue with. If I could find a way to do everything I want to do and everything I have to do it would be the perfect marriage. I NEED to work. I NEED to help put a little extra money in the bank, I NEED to help John pay off our bills, and I NEED to help us save to buy a house. But it doesnt make it any easier. I don't want to get sick. I am scared to get sick. I am petrified of getting sick. The thought that I could get sick scares me to the point that it almost makes me sick. My anxiety is heightened, but I still know that I need to do this. I HAVE to do this. It really isn't a choice. It's not a choice. So I have to move thru this, work past it, juggle it, balance it........and it's only day 1.