Jacob Ryan

My sweet nephew graduated from High school yesterday. I can't believe it. I am so proud of him. I must have sounded crazy screaming his name over and over in thhe auditorium. I didn't care. I wanted to make sure he knew how proud I was. I was 14 when he was born and he and my sister lived with us. We spent the next three or so years building a bond. The bond that we formed was incredible. I immediately found a love for him like he was my very own child. It is strong it is deep and it is scarry. That is an awful big cross for a 14 year old to bare. Butr I never cared. I would have taken that child and raised him right there if I needed to. He has struggled like the resto of us bit I have continued to watch him face challenge and adversity with dignity and courage. I know I love him like my own child because I now have my own child and my love has always been there for him. My We have battled as most children rebel and show their independence to those who nurture them, but I am sure that we have both walked away better people for it. My Sister has always been there for him. She has been an incredible Mom. But MY mother like insctincts have always been very overpowering with him. I just want to scoop him up and shield him from this cruel world one second, and the next I want to show him tough love. Much of the same way I feel for Sofia on most days. We live in a cruel and unforgiving world, and I have always felt that it was important that Jacob both knows and always remembers that.

One story I remember so vividly. I was in college, about 23, and Jacon was about 8 or 9. My Sister was having trouble with him and she called me and told me he was acting out and that she hoped that I could talk to him. He was at his Dads which was about an hour away, so I offered to pick him up and drive him home. I remember it was raining hard outside but I didn't care. I wanted Jacob to know that I cared and I wanted him to act right. I went and picked him up and talked for an hour straight. I barely let him talk. I just wanted him to hear me. I reminded him how much his Mom loves him and how hard she works (which I remind him of often). I reminded him that one day he would be on his own. I reminded him...This too shall pass. He was doing bad in school (MATH), not getting along with his Mom and was grounded once he got home. So anyway, I stopped on the way home and got some poster board to make a multipication table for him. I also bought him some gel pens just because, and we worked on his multiplication for hours into that night.

This past year when the hurricane hit he came to my Dad and Debbies house with Jenny (my sister). I remember it was hottttt and humid outside and we were working on clearing out the back of the house. Jacob came back there and I said...go sit down, it is hot out here, and he said....No, I want to help you. I thought it was so sweet because he is always doing little things to show me how much he cares.

Yesterday when he graduated, as if I didn't make a big enough spectacle of myself screaming his name I went down to the front where I was very close to where he was sitting....I got his attention and mouthed....I love you, and I thought my heart would melt when he said it back. Sounds silly but here is this 18 year old boy, and his crazy aunt is making herself seen to say ily and he said it right back, and then we were outside he hugged me and said...ily. I felt so loved and special.

As he has gotten older my love and our bond has just grown more intense. I want to show him what this world has to offer. I have taken him to NYC, Philadelphia and ofcourse to the Poconos to see me. He came and saw me two seperate summers. He also traveled to PA with our family last Thanksgiving. I know we will continue to do more together as a family as we all live and grow.

He starts College in the fall and I will continue to try to show him right from wrong, the ways of the world, what workd and what doesn't. Obviously I don't have all of these answers and I continue to learn but having Jacob to take on that Journey is one of the greatest gifts I have been given and I am so grateful to have him be a part of my life.