Amber Plain and Tall

Learning who you are over and over sucks. There is just no good way to put that. You know what I learned about myself recently? Not everyone is going to like you. They just aren’t. No matter how much I try or may want them to see me with some kind of grandiose I am who I am. I am not going to click with everybody. Seems a little weird and odd to me since I have always thought I could get along with anyone. There are those out there who see me as annoying, or rude, bitchy, or whatever else. They just plain don’t like me. Then there are those out there that love me. I try to do right by people, and I think most of the time I do. There is that little devil in my head with her horns on here and there trying to make me do bad things, but mostly I can ignore her and go on about my business. I am sure some see me as judgmental, because I surely judge some people…over and over. There, I admitted it, I can be extremely judgmental. Like I have any room to speak.

Feels like a very long time since I have blogged and as a result you might think I have something interesting to say. But the truth is, I don’t. Really. At all. I’m am at work, and yes you are right I should be working but a sister can’t wake up today. I have been busier than ever, and sometimes it is a little hard to take in. I love that I am working and so the extra income is surely coming in handy. I can already see less stress on John’s face. I love that I have somewhere to go every day. People are expecting me to show up. I don’t love being away from Sofia so much. I miss her. But at the end of the day, I am doing this for her.

So I must have an extremely strong personality, like overpower the whole room, strong. Because if I am off my game, just a little, it is seen, heard and understood. What is wrong with Amber? Are you having a bad day? No, I am just chill. I can’t allow my manic side to take the wheel all the time, and here and there I am just chill. The thing to that is, if I am not smiling some big cheesy smile at you, I look like I am pissed off. But I am not. My lips just naturally turn down, but I am not mad. Usually. Let’s put it this way, if I am MAD, you would know it. No doubt, you would know it.


The older I get, the more I experience, the more I have and LACK, all puts me in touch with who I am. And with who I am, I am happy. I can finally say that I am comfortable crawling around in this skin. My 30’s have been good to me. They have taught me a lot, and no doubt, my 20’s come back to haunt my 30’s every chance they get. But I feel that my 30’s are strong enough to see the element of immaturity that my 20’s hold. Does that make sense? Let’s put it this way, I used to be a bad bad girl, and finding a way to turn around and look at who I am versus who I was, and even who I will become is both humiliating and humbling.