Well this is a pic of Pam and I saying our finall good bye. It was the last time of our acquaintance. Oh, it has been interesting. Life has twisted and turned causing me to take notice and reprioritize again and again. I really am not so transparent. I really am more like stained glass. I choose to walk you thru my different stains, and know that you will form your own opinions. I feel like it helps me process and thus heal if I talk thru things. Everything. It is exhausting at times, but it is how I am wired. I am loving, passionate, loyal, strong and weak at the same time and cranky at times. I change like the weather and find that once I finally reach my comfort zone it is time for change.
That is a little ironic because as a Taurus, I hate change. I want comfort and seek the roots that make a home. I want that now. I want that at this point in my life. Truth be told, I always wanted that, but not until the last few years did I have a place to come to, to gravitate to, where people are expecting me. People are happy to see me.
I really have had a colorful 30 days since Pam died. I have had a whirlwind of emotions, spun myself up like a top, and sat back out of my skin as the top slowly stopped turning. I wasn't sure how to react, if I should react, how to feel, what to do.......so I got my hair highlighted and pierced my nose....spent alot of money, made some bad decisions, and finally the top stopped spinning. Finally, the top stopped spinning. I am like one of the only people I know that has to drop right down to bottom to see that I have made a mistake. I don't stop half way, I don't self talk myself out of situations, I just drop myself to the bottom of the barrell and try to find my way out. It is what it is. I am trying to love these things about myself, but at the same time tell myself....You can't do that......no, no, no......I am my worse critic. Trust me on my worse days, my conscious and I are fighting like champions.
But never the less. Here I am, 33....I have a baby, a marriage, incredible parents, an awesome family, a job, a paycheck, health insurance, an awesome family, great friends, new opportunities knocking at my door, and I am thankful. I am very thankful, and very light hearted, and knowing, once again....this life is what you make it. My marriage is what I make it. My job is what I make it. Invest and it will invest back in me. Invest in Christ and he will invest in me 500 times over. Invest invest invest. I don't have alot to give, but what I've got I'll give to you. And I won't even ask anything in return. I will give it to you simply because I love you. Simply because you have loved me. For in you I see my future, and in the future all is promised.
And in closing, I ended today's work day at a shelter. Sigh....How thankful it made me to come home to my paint chipped home, with dead trees, a hole in the screen door, and commercial carpet. Masking tape holding a window together, Mia stinking up the place, and My Mom and Sofia playing Go Fish in Mom's room. I felt sorry for the Mom that has to put her kid to sleep in a bed at a shelter and Dad is nowhere to be found. I want to lift them up tonight, and ask everyone who reads this to say a prayer that they will soon prosper and overcome this situation they are in. That GOD will give them the wisdom and the strength and courage to perservere, and pray that he will watch over that baby girl and carry her thru this time.
That is a little ironic because as a Taurus, I hate change. I want comfort and seek the roots that make a home. I want that now. I want that at this point in my life. Truth be told, I always wanted that, but not until the last few years did I have a place to come to, to gravitate to, where people are expecting me. People are happy to see me.
I really have had a colorful 30 days since Pam died. I have had a whirlwind of emotions, spun myself up like a top, and sat back out of my skin as the top slowly stopped turning. I wasn't sure how to react, if I should react, how to feel, what to do.......so I got my hair highlighted and pierced my nose....spent alot of money, made some bad decisions, and finally the top stopped spinning. Finally, the top stopped spinning. I am like one of the only people I know that has to drop right down to bottom to see that I have made a mistake. I don't stop half way, I don't self talk myself out of situations, I just drop myself to the bottom of the barrell and try to find my way out. It is what it is. I am trying to love these things about myself, but at the same time tell myself....You can't do that......no, no, no......I am my worse critic. Trust me on my worse days, my conscious and I are fighting like champions.
But never the less. Here I am, 33....I have a baby, a marriage, incredible parents, an awesome family, a job, a paycheck, health insurance, an awesome family, great friends, new opportunities knocking at my door, and I am thankful. I am very thankful, and very light hearted, and knowing, once again....this life is what you make it. My marriage is what I make it. My job is what I make it. Invest and it will invest back in me. Invest in Christ and he will invest in me 500 times over. Invest invest invest. I don't have alot to give, but what I've got I'll give to you. And I won't even ask anything in return. I will give it to you simply because I love you. Simply because you have loved me. For in you I see my future, and in the future all is promised.
And in closing, I ended today's work day at a shelter. Sigh....How thankful it made me to come home to my paint chipped home, with dead trees, a hole in the screen door, and commercial carpet. Masking tape holding a window together, Mia stinking up the place, and My Mom and Sofia playing Go Fish in Mom's room. I felt sorry for the Mom that has to put her kid to sleep in a bed at a shelter and Dad is nowhere to be found. I want to lift them up tonight, and ask everyone who reads this to say a prayer that they will soon prosper and overcome this situation they are in. That GOD will give them the wisdom and the strength and courage to perservere, and pray that he will watch over that baby girl and carry her thru this time.
1 comment:
Awesome insight.
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