Depression...It's back

I stepped out of the room for a second, stepped back in, and there it is, a depression, waiting to take me under its spell. I predicted about a month ago that this would happen, and sure enough, without another minute wasted, it has.

It has been an interesting couple of weeks, or month for that matter. First off the IUI didn't take. Well, I guess it did take, and I was barely pregnant for like, a day, and knew, and then it just went away. Poof, just like that. Easy come, easy go. The emotions one goes thru with something like that are almost impossible. You begin the month injecting yourself with hormones, spend the middle of the month looking at your eggs, and doing the actual procedure, and then everything stops. Time stands still for 14 days until you know if you are pregnant. Everyone has all kinds of opinions along the way. In a way I feel like I just talked way to much thru this whole thing. Gave everyone a reason to want to chime in. Right now, I feel occasional cramping here and there, I feel like something was happening, but now all I feel is the fact that there is a fertilized egg inside me, dead, and I am just waiting to pass it. It is the most horrible feeling ever.

Also, this month I was reminded again of how ugly people can be. I have done a really good job taking the ugly and the drama out of my world, but I guess it is still around lurking for a chance to strike. I was planning a baby shower for my friend Candice, and I was, not by my choice, asked to include her mother in law. Candice and her have a very rocky past, and she has just absolutely been worse than satan to candice, and I was nervous to host with her for this reason. But, trying to be nice, I did. She managed every detail of the shower that I was supposed to be hosting, and then would have the nerve to say she wasn't trying to step on my toes. But she was simply by having no concern for other people, and eventually she did. She told me exactly what to write on the invitations, and then degraded me idea to have the shower from Candice's children. I would talk to Candice about it and she became frustrated and said she did not want the shower. This ofcourse, upset me because I just wanted to do something nice for her. I sent her mil an email saying we weren't going to host the shower, and she was so downright and incredibly rude to me, I was flabergasted. I had just forgotten that there are people in this world, who have no problem being blatently rude and ugly to other people like that, and then just blow it off like it was nothing. She caused a uge fight between Candice and her husband. She has since then, and is now trying to woo Candice back in, like Candice doesn't see right thru her. Not to go on a rant, but it is truly amazing to me that there are still people out there like that, that just don't "get it" and run around making excuses and passing blame for their every last behavior. It makes me very thankful that my mother in law is so good to me, and it also makes me feel so bad for Candice.

Is this blog emo? Sorry folks, its how I feel. It's when I blog. I am not a happy blogger most of the time. If I am happy when I am blogging it is usually a fluke and won't last. I just wish if I was going to cry, I could just cry and get it over with. My eyes burn like they want to cry, but I can't bring on the tears. Just come on tears.